It’s not your job.

“It’s not your job to save other people from the consequences of their bad decisions.”

My Counselor laid this nugget on me during a session while I was discussing yet another hurtful interaction. I had been deadlocked in indecision over having a discussion to call them out on their bad behavior. I wanted to make them aware that if it happened again, the consequences would be severe. Something inside me felt like I owed them the benefit of a warning. However, viewing their choices paired with their age, it would be silly to think they shouldn’t know better.

What’s more, when I thought back to previous attempts, there was never any acceptance of responsibility. What made me think this time would be any different?

I do often think the kind thing to do is to bring grievances to someone. Sometimes, people truly are unaware of the hurt they’ve caused. This is not that. This was a laundry list of hurtful and destructive behavior with a strong history of a complete lack of accountability on their part.

It was honestly freeing to realize how often we make it our responsibility to save people. That was never our job though. Knowing this allows us to make empowered decisions. The only person I truly have any control over is myself.

I’m not sitting around ruminating over their bad behavior. They’ve made they’re choice and while it was painful because of the impact their careless decisions have made, I can’t change it. I can only choose what I do with the information I learn.

I choose me. I will always choose me.