Coaching Question of the Week: Self-care
If you’ve heard me speak, it’s likely you have heard me express disdain for what self-care has become. I resent the monetization, and I’ll go so far as to call it perversion, of something that was only ever intended to keep us between the rumble strips in our hectic lives. Think of it like resetting the breakers when the circuits get overwhelmed. Or, rather, daily activities meant to keep the circuits from becoming overwhelmed in the first place.
Somewhere along the way, self-care became akin to privilege. Meaning, if you have the money to get a massage and time to take off work to do so, then have at it. As marketing sometimes goes, the messaging has been effective. Every coaching client I recommend make self-care a priority retorts they don’t have the time or the money to do so.
*Le sigh
Let’s make one thing abundantly clear. Self-care should never cost you oodles of cash or time you don’t have. Self-care can be anything that literally allows you to take care of yourself. Self-care, although mainly free, does require an investment, because you’re going to have to keep at it for long enough to feel the benefits. Some may be immediate, but so many others come from the consistent application in our lives. I’ve coached many clients on what should seem like regular everyday health and wellness tasks only to learn that sometimes they are the very first to go when mental health begins to decline. Let us count the ways of self-care.
Brush your teeth.
Floss your teeth.
Wash your hair.
Wash your face.
Shower/bathe regularly.
Brush your hair.
Sit for 1 minute and focus on your breath.
Prepare for the day/week/month ahead.
Meal plan.
Go for a walk.
Get some sunlight.
Eat a fruit and/or vegetable.
Prepare for bed so you get the sleep you need.
Go to bed on time.
Wake up on time without snoozing.
Drink a glass of water.
Stretch.
Put limits on cell phone/computer use.
Put limits on social media.
Do a social media audit and block/unfollow accounts that make you feel less than or generally bad about yourself.
Phone/text a friend.
Journal.
Fold that load of laundry instead of letting it wrinkle in the basket.
Load/empty the dishwasher.
Put away clutter.
The list doesn’t end there, but hopefully you get the point. No where on that list does it include floral scented candles, bubble baths, or expensive massages. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but that’s simply one, exclusive facet of what self-care could be, if that’s what you enjoy. Hopefully, you can see why the monetization of self-care has become so problematic too. Not only does it elbow out the masses of people who look at that version of self-care and count themselves out if it includes another person touching them, but it also causes many more people to overlook the basics as not good enough.There are so many people I’ve spoken to over the years who will tell me they don’t really see the point in exercise if they can’t get in the gym for an hour. Exercise, and many other areas of self-care, seems to have devolved into a prescription of rules where if you can’t get it perfect, what’s the point? Hence, my accusation of the perversion of self-care.How many of us can attest to how much benefit even the simplest of tasks provide us? How victorious does it feel when you do finally empty that laundry basket full of clothes and put away a little bit of the clutter on the kitchen counter? How much better does your body feel when you’ve given it nutrition, rather than filled up on empty snacks? You probably end up sleeping better when you get some sunlight and go for a walk.So many of my clients have professed they often put themselves last because they’re busy taking care of everyone else. They say they feel So your question to consider this week:
What’s an act of self-care you need to do to take the best care of yourself?
Think about it in terms of your parents making you eat veggies and go to bed on time. If you are a parent/caregiver, what are the things you make sure happen for the health & well-being of those in your care? Make a list and if you begin to feel those old familiar patterns of shame pipe up to call you selfish, remember what it means to actually be selfish and hear me loud and clear: You’re not!